Sunday, October 22
my life so far
have been feeling down for the past two days probaby due to the lack of sleep. doesn't help when i have to travel one hour to boon lay for a 15 minute presentation and then travel all the way back again. (totally understand how ting and chiam and ash must have felt back in tp. kudos.)have been doing some thinking and for a brief moment yesterday, i indulged in self-pity. self-pity is probably the worst thing to indulge in, apart from haagen daaz's cookies and cream.
anyway i was reflecting on the sad fact of how i have wasted my time on unworthy matters and people. all my life, i have been conscious of family and friends who would give anything to be there to share my joys and sadness. however, i have failed to reciprocate, spending my time and effort instead in people that i had hoped would be there for me.
these feelings were sparked off on friday after a brief meetup with jin. i proposed a certain policy to him that i believed would benefit his brother. he later messaged me something in the essence of he trusted me and that he believed whatever policy that he got from me would prosper. i cannot describe how those words blessed and touched my heart. a stark difference from my so-called 'sister' who went, 'don't ask me to buy any policy from you hor', when all i did was mention the fact that i've joined AIA to her.
i'm not implying that if you are my friend, you ought to buy a policy to 'support' me. with all due respect, i do not need any 'i-buy-cos-i'm-your-friend' kind of support. i'd much rather eat grass. the only kind of support i need is one of belief and trust. believe that i joined this trade because of a genuine passion. trust that as your friend, i would want to help you in any way i can and not simply cos i want to earn your money. seriously, if you see me as unscrupulous, as a friend i'd advise you to leave me and run as far away from me as possible.
believe in me! hah. anyway the support issue is just one of many factors that has caused me to rethink about the loved ones around me. i'd like to take this time and space to apologise and thank those who have stuck around me though i haven't been very much there for you. much thanks for blessing and loving me. much thanks for taking time out to encourage me through messages. much thanks to suggest meeting up for coffee although i know of your busy schedules. much thanks to those who send their love via msn and parcels, though you girls are miles away from me. much thanks for showing faith in me as a friend.
above all, much thanks for showing me that besides Daddy, you guys are around to love and care for me. after all, i am the UBERBELOVED mah. HAH.
anyway my prayer for myself today, is to be able to love you guys above and beyond what i am able to do. not by my own effort, but by His grace. so be prepared to be blown away by His love for you through me!
and oh fluffy wants to say hi.
